A fantastic idea

Glad I thought of it.

I’ve been saying for years that people need to keep a leash on their children. Literally. When I was a toddler, my Mom has this long, rainbow colored, bungee cord like device that attached the two of use via adult and child sized Velcro wrist straps. That way she knew that A) I was never going to wander off in a crowded train station and B) if someone tried to kidnap me, she would know about it immediately even if she was momentarily distracted. This was a common practice in England and Europe at the time we were there. Surprisingly, when we came to the states, mom used to get no end of hassle from other parents and occasionally the police who wanted to know “Why are you treating your son like a dog?” Mom’s initial reaction to this was her usual blinding rage, but she eventually simmered down to snark with the stock response “Excuse me sir/madam, but YOU don’t care enough about YOUR child’s safety to take proper precautions, that’s hardly my concern.” or words to that effect. Of course, that usually just ticked people off and got me into loads of trouble when she said such things to my teachers. But that’s neither here nor there.

What does this have to do with Japan? Simple, there is a school in Tokyo that is using GPS technology to keep track of their students. The idea is to crack down on truancy. An excellent idea if you ask me. The only problem is that the school in question is a college.

http://http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090529/ap_on_re_as/as_japan_iphone_truants

According to this story, the school is giving brand new iPhones to students. They’re then using the built in GPS system to see if the kids are cutting class. The logic is that the kids are unlikely to deliberately throw away something as vitally important to daily life as a cell phone (and that isn’t hyperbole, in this culture, you can’t survive with out your keitai).

This doesn’t seem like something you should need with college students. I have seen elementary school students wearing clips on either their backpacks or jackets that might be tracking devices or panic buttons. Also, all elementary school students are required to wear name tags that identify their name, school, grade level, and what class they’re in. These are typically safety pinned to the shirt. Also, many middle and high school uniforms have name tags as part of the uniform code. Considering that uniforms are almost NEVER the same between two different schools, it’s fairly easy to tell where a child or teenager belongs.

Frankly, this is a stroke of genius that should be standard issue across the educational spectrum. I’ve said for years that we should “chip” our children the way we do our pets. For those non-pet owners out there, to “chip” an animal is to implant a microchip under their skin that contains all the relevant information about that animal and his/her owners. That way, if the animal is ever lost, all one need do is scan the chip and contact the owners.

Considering that children have a legal status similar to house pets, a similar strategy can and should be used to ensure the safety of the world’s children. I suggested a few years ago that American school children should be required to either have such a chip implanted or should have to wear a wrist watch with GPS tech equipped. Being much younger, I assumed that said watch would not only be synchronized with the schools clock to prevent tardiness but would also act as a personal database and scheduler to keep track of homework, library books, etc. I concluded that the chip would be cheaper but the watch much cooler. Either way, it would be an instant end to the kidnapping, rape, and trafficking of children. Surely, no one could possibly object to this plan.

But WOAH was I wrong. I was living in Washington State at the time, so that should have been a tip off that logic need not apply. It turns out that the version of the Bible that is taught in that part of the US says that one of the signs of the apocalypse is something called The Mark of the Beast. A mark placed on people that will . . . do . . . something I guess. Anyway, when I brought up the idea of manditory tracking devices for children in a university-level teacher prep course, I was told that was impossible because it was against the will of God.

You heard it here first folks: God doesn’t want you to protect your children from kidnappers! (whispers under breath) Fight, fight, fight for Washington State…

Hail to the Cultural Icon

Obama mania is running wild, BROTHER! (I would like to take this moment to apologize for using a 1980s professional wrestling catchphrase. Sorry.) Seriously though, they love that guy over here. In the last week, I have taught two lessons that have used the President as an example.

First, one of the teachers I work with decided to post a quote of Obama’s in the classroom as a motivational poster. The line was from Obama’s stump speech. It’s the one about how we are the people we’ve been waiting for. A good message for a classroom if ever I heard one, but there was one snag. Specifically, I had to read it to the class before the teacher and I explained the meaning. Reading scripts to a classroom of Japanese children is normally about 75% of my job description, but this is OBAMA MATERIAL! I pride myself on being a good public speaker and on being able to use several amusing voices to liven up a dead class. But this is BARACK OBAMA level $%*# we’re talking about here. I’m good, but I’m nowhere near that good.

Anyway, I did my best as I always do and things turned out alright, but it left an impression on the teachers. They’ve spent the last two years thinking of me as the paragon of the English language, the source of answers to any English related question they might have. The fact that I couldn’t even come within 34.621 light-years of matching President Obama’s oratorical style proved just how good he is.

The second Obama related event this week was when we had to teach the expression “Call me (insert nickname here)” as part of a lesson on introductions (being able to give a proper self introduction is vital to Japanese culture, so it is assumed to be equally career making/breaking in English). Without my knowing it, the teacher had prepared a special flashcard for us to use to fill in the blank. A picture of Bo. That’s right, Bo, the Obama’s long awaited dog . . . in his so-cute-it-gives-you-cavities lay. So we taught the example sentence “They call him Bo.” The students gave us some weird looks because Bo is, apparently, a weird name for a dog. The Japanese teacher then asked me to explain the meaning of Bo (you have no idea how tempted I was to make a Doctor Who/Face of Boe joke here). Realizing that no one in the room would get the reference if I mentioned either Doctor Who or Bo Diddley, I just shrugged and said that it didn’t have a hidden meaning and that the Obama’s must have thought it sounded cool. It wasn’t until days later that I realized Bo = B.O. = Barack Obama.

The students still weren’t satisfied since we were talking about a NAME here. Names have meanings. Nobody names something just because they like the sound of it (Remember, if it’s like that in Japanese, it must be like that in English). At this point I realized that I had just spent seven minutes or so on Obama’s freaking dog and that I’d had just about enough. About the third time I was grilled on the name, I turned it back around by saying to the teacher, “I don’t know, what does ‘Pochi’ mean?” Pochi is a stereotypically common dog’s name in Japan (think Fido). I’ve seen it written in Katakana so I know there’s no kanji to constitute a hidden meaning. To my mild surprise, I was right, the teacher realized that no, Pochi is just a cute word to call a cute dog. To my increasing relief, that was the end of that discussion.

This whole Obama craze extends far beyond the classroom. Last year, my principal got up in front of the faculty, PTA, and school board at a group party and gave a 20 minute speech on the cosmic philosophical implications of “Yes, we can” and how it applies to our teaching. I’m proud of myself. I managed not to burst out laughing. Also, the big man himself has appeared as a piece of clipart to make homework sheets look more interesting. I had an Elementary school student last year who picked up the nickname Obama because he was good at English. And every bookstore in the nation is packed with books of his speeches, considered to be the pinnacle of the English language. All in all, it’s hard point to argue.

Allow me to conclude this post by apologizing once again for the Hulk Hogan joke at the top. By the way, Hulk Hogan caused me no end of trouble when I first moved to the States, specifically because I had no idea who the hell he was. Professional wrestling was not offered on our TV system in Germany and I’d never even heard of the stuff. Imagine being an elementary school kid in 1991 California who had never even heard of Hulk Hogan. It was one of the many things that made my life . . . somewhat less than comfortable. But that’s a rant for another day.

What month is it again?

I am sitting at my desk and looking out the window. I see strange and possibly demonic flecks of white stuff falling out of the sky. Yes, it is snowing. My watch says that it is March. Note to self: Watch must be broken, buy a new one.

Welcome to Japan Clinton-sama

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is in Japan. She is, as I type, in Tokyo on her first diplomatic mission. The following is a clip from the 2/16 episode of The Rachel Maddow Show. I'll give some additional information on the info after the video. Now we get to see if I've figured out how to make these embedded videos work.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

First off, Finance Minister Nakagawa is soon to be EX-Finance Minister Nakagawa. Nobody is buying the "too much medicine" excuse. "Nakagawa stressed he had just sipped a glass of wine during a toast at the G7 luncheon but claimed he "did not drink it."" When this story broke Monday morning, Prime Minister Aso "14% approval rating" Taro issued a statement saying that he would not fire the man. ""As for my responsibility of appointing (Nakagawa), I am grateful that he has surely been doing his job," Aso said." (Quotes credited to The Japan Times)

Not twenty four hours later, Nakagawa-san's office issues a statement that he will resign, thereby allowing the Prime Minster to save face. Nobody is buying this! By the way, Rachel may not understand Japanese, but I do and Nakagawa-san still makes no fricken sense.

However, Nakagawa-san seems to have taken the Ron Blagoyavitch (I don't care enough to look up the spelling for that) route by saying as much as possible before vanishing into the void. Some highlights:

"I was told by Prime Minister Aso to do my best until the passage (of the bills)," he told a hastily called news conference in Tokyo after he visited a doctor for a medical check.

He said his wobbly performance was caused mainly by jet lag and taking too much cold medicine, brushing aside speculation that he was under the influence of alcohol at that time.

And my personal favorite:
"My doctor told me I am suffering from a cold and fatigue," he said, adding he had "apologized for having caused a great deal of trouble to the prime minister and other people concerned" by not taking good enough care of his health. (Again, all quotes are from The Japan Times)

He has a cold? Seriously? Go watch that video again and tell me if that is any cold you have ever seen.

Now for the scary $*!*, that "Sea of Fire" that the North Koreans are talking about making, is about 60 feet from one of the elementary schools that I work at. Damn. Fortunately, this is probably bluster and bluff. I can't take anything seriously from a country whose leader once bragged that he owned ever action figure ever made of Japanese professional magician Princess Tenko.

And now for Clinton herself, the one major thing not mentioned in the Maddow clip is that Clinton is planning to sign an accord that will remove 8000 US troops from Okinawa. The only thing that would further US-Japanese relations better than that is promise to get the USS George Washington the heck away from Yokusuka. (The only nation that has ever suffered a nuclear attack doesn't like having a nuclear warship floating off the coast)

Also, I'm taking bets on how long before we see Japanese models start wearing the "Bada$$ on the outside, kimono on the inside" jacket.

That's about all the extra insight that I can provide. In other news, it is insanely cold out here right now. 38 degrees F with the heater on kind of cold. Californians don't get to complain about the cold. EVER!

Setsubun

I’m a couple of days late on this, but with the time difference, it mostly works out.

Feb 3rd is a holiday in Japan, not the Get-out-of-work kind, but still fun. It’s called Setsubun (節分). The name translates roughly to “cutting the season” and refers to the official boundary between winter and spring. (He said as he looked out the window at the snow and died a little on the inside)

Setsubun is celebrated with a purification ritual meant to cast out evil spirits and usher in good luck for the new year. The evil spirits are symbolized by the Oni, a mythological baddie whose name translates as “demon” but “ogre” is a better analogy. How do you cast out an Oni? Why, by throwing soy beans at it of course.

People throw roasted soybeans at someone wearing an Oni mask and shout “Oni wa soto! Fuku wa uchi!” (鬼は外! 福は内) Which means “Oni outside, luck inside.” Traditionally, this was a shinto ritual that held deep significance. However, today it has devolved into a children’s ritual where they get to throw things at their parents and teachers. The children are also typically given candy at the end. Why? I have no idea, but who needs an excuse to give kids candy? Many shrines still have Setstubun events, but they’re mostly publicity stunts.

I had the opportunity to be an Oni at one of the elementary schools I teach at. I kind of fit the bill physically since I’m tall, large, and can look pretty darn scary when I try. I and a handful of other teachers stood outside the school gym ready to walk in one at a time as the children prepared to throw beans at us. I was told we were supposed to just walk slowly and let the children hit us. My instant reaction to that was “Oh heck no!”

When my turn came I stood at the door for a second and let out what I hope was a blood curdling roar. I dashed into the gym growling in a half werewolf/half Gollum impression. The kids were laughing their heads off as they started to throw the beans. I ducked, dodged, and spun my way around them (and at my size, that isn’t easy). Eventually, I started letting them hit me. Being in possession of an amateur drama background (Read: Being a big ham) I naturally acted as if the beans were made of acid. I then transitioned into the corniest death scene you can imagine before removing the mask and accepting the praise of the students and teachers.

The Great Split

Greetings puny humans,

I’ve realized that I long ago abandoned what this blog was supposed to be about and started commentating mostly on politics. Since I tend to write about whatever I feel like at the time, sticking to any one topic is rather difficult.

Last night I was rereading the great book of laws that govern the entire internet, The Tome of Gore and noticed something in Vol.3, Section 6, Subsection 31 regarding blogs:
A User may have as many blogs as he/she/it can comfortably provide for.

Having realized this, I have decided to split off and start a total three blogs. The current plan is to post something in one of them at least once a week.

Wandering Gaijin will remain as a Japan specific blog. This will include commentaries on what are known on the Internet as WJTs (Pronounced: widgets) or Weird Japanese Things. I will also post reflections of experiences and other such information. You know, the stuff I should have been posting all along.

The first of the new blogs will be called RNR or Random Nerd Reviews. I am a proud nerd (or Intello-American if you want to be politically correct) and this blog will be me talking about all things nerdy. As the name implies, reviews will be the main bread and butter of this blog. This one is already up and running at randomnerdreviews.blogspot.com, go there.

The second and last of the new blogs will be political in nature and it will have a very catchy name as soon as I think of one. It will mainly be my political rants at the stupidity that envelops modern politics and political punditry.

Some cross over between blogs will happen. Articles of Japanese nerdom on RNR, or the political blog with the very catchy name featuring transpacific stories.

Also, I may soon decide to abandon all attempts at anonymity and start posting video blog entries because I’ve always wanted my own TV show. The fact that my new computer has a built in web cam also has something to do with this.

And so dear friends, we begin a new era of Net based commentary in this: The 3rd Age of the Hack.

I'm a proud sinner!

This is why I don’t go to church any more:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081113/ap_on_re_us/obama_catholics

The AP is reporting on this Catholic priest has stated that Catholics who voted for President-Elect Obama should not receive communion until they pay an appropriate penance for their sin.

I’m not making this up! In the man’s own words:

The Rev. Jay Scott Newman said in a letter distributed Sunday to parishioners at St. Mary's Catholic Church in Greenville [South Carolina] that they are putting their souls at risk if they take Holy Communion before doing penance for their vote.
"Our nation has chosen for its chief executive the most radical pro-abortion politician ever to serve in the United States Senate or to run for president," Newman wrote, referring to Obama by his full name, including his middle name of Hussein.


"Voting for a pro-abortion politician when a plausible pro-life alternative exists constitutes material cooperation with intrinsic evil, and those Catholics who do so place themselves outside of the full communion of Christ's Church and under the judgment of divine law. Persons in this condition should not receive Holy Communion until and unless they are reconciled to God in the Sacrament of Penance, lest they eat and drink their own condemnation."

Guys like this make me sick! The right of the free and secret ballot is the very cornerstone of the United States of America. People complain about judges who “legislate from the bench” but I find “legislating from the pulpit” to be much worse. There is never any reason to feel shame about the way you vote. God gave man free will and I don’t believe that He would then create a church with the intention of removing that free will. America holds sacred the separation of church and state. Priests like Father Newman are violating the highest law in the land, the highest law we all agree on at any rate.


As for the abortion issue: GOD NEVER SAID A DAMN THING ABOUT IT! That’s even assuming you take the Bible word-for-word literally, which I don’t. I challenge anyone to find me a Bible quote (please cite chapter and verse in the comment section of this post) that mentions abortion one way or the other.


On the other hand, I can understand those who believe their place in heaven is assured wanting McCain to win the election. A McCain administration would doubtlessly directly bring about the End of Days within four years and they get to go to heaven early. Fine, that’s cool for you. But the rest of us LIKE this world and want to SAVE it. Those of you who don't, just go drink some Kool-Aid and leave the rest of us in peace.


The late Pope John Paul II stated that the abortion issue is a matter of personal faith as there is no scripture to support either side of the argument. In other words, the right to live vs. right to choose debate is NONE OF THE CHURCHES BUSINESS!! Memo to Father Newman: The Pope out ranks you . . . a lot. I’d have thought they would mention that at the seminary at some point.


So, short version, I’m not quite at the point of joining the Bill Mayer brand of atheism, but this just goes to prove that the difference between God and Religion can be as wide as the Grand Canyon.